I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
youre lurking in front of me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
