Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize