Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
