Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
