I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
