i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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