I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
