did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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