I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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