when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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