Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
