20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize