My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
