Define "chronic" masturbator.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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