Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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