i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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