I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
