just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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