I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
me + whiskey = a bad person
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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