The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
