he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
