just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
