Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
