Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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