Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
