If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize