I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
