this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
