Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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