I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
