when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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