i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
