OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
