I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
