That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
