get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
