Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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