I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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