I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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