next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
