She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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