im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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