Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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