My friends, they love my intelligence
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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