i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize