My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
