so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize