I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize