I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
