I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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