do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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