official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize