Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
