i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
