Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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