Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
