she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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