Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
