The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
