I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
