she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
