I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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