I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
