508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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