Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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