return my video game
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
