Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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