this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
