Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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