I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
