You can't special order awesome
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
