see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize