Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
