my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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