why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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