I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
