Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
