i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
