when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
