i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
