who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
