I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
