Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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