My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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