my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
