after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
