I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
PANTIES FOUND
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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