p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
