If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
