god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
did i walk over a car last night?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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