I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
