she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mom said you looked used
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
