If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
