After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize